Week 9
Tim and I have just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. My present from him was 5 extra personal training sessions when finish the program (I only have an opal membership, so I pay for personal training sessions). Some people may not think this is the most romantic present, but it sums up how much he believes in me. Last year it would have been jewelry or a bottle of wine (both of which are fantastic) but this year he showed me that he knows I will keep going once the challenge is finished. This is just the start for me – I have to keep going at the end of the 12 weeks so I will achieve everything I set out to do. This week is more of the same – hard work and watching my food intake. I have to admit to feeling fairly down. I think this is partly PMS and also knowing that soon the challenge will be over. The last 9 weeks have been amazing on so many levels. I always knew I could be a stubborn bugger when I put my mind to something, but I always doubted I had the determination to do something so positive for myself. Does this sound crazy? Maybe this has been one of the things that stopped me every other time – I thought about it too much instead of just getting on with doing what I needed to.
Week 10
I can’t believe how far I have come in what is really a short space of time. 10 weeks ago if a trainer in the gym had said to me “Emma, today you are going to come in at lunchtime and to 40 minutes of cardio, come back at 6pm to do RPM and then follow it up at 7 with some weights and boxing circuit” I would have either laughed in their face or told them to, ahem, go away. Firmly. Using some not too pleasant words. This is now a fairly normal day for me. On my quieter days, I do a class and some abs and weights work as well. As I have a lot of weight to lose, my focus has been cardio, cardio and more cardio, with weights 2-3 times a week to build up muscle. Now, I am not saying I leap around the gym, beaming with joy and enjoying every moment. There are downright grumpy, painful, horrible days where I approach the treadmill or bike with all of the enthusiasm of the average 6 year old who has been told to clean up their room. Internal monologue goes something like “bloody treadmill, mutter, mutter, I want a glass of wine, mutter, mutter, this SUCKS!!” etc etc. Eventually though, this monologue dies down and I begin to get in the groove. Usually. There have been a few workouts where the grumpy pants didn’t really vanish until I got home and found that my wonderful husband had wrestled all kids into bed, cleaned up their mess and then cooked me dinner. Don’t be rude about pants vanishing when I see my husband – I am using metaphors.
One thing about this program which has really changed me is slimplicity. I have to admit to being skeptical (why not? Every diet I had gone on in the last 13 years had not worked) that it could make a difference this time, but that was when it clicked for me - it wasn’t so much the diet not working as ME not working. Slimplicity teaches you how to eat properly, break bad habits and start to view food as what it is – food. And to lose weight it is calories in vs calories out. Duh! Sounds really simple when you write it down like that but it’s a hard concept to get your head around sometimes. My slim coach, Odette, said something wonderful to me one day when I was having a complain about emotional eating and how it stuffs everything up. She just looked at me, waited for my “it’s not fair” tirade to finish and said “Honey, if being overweight was only a physical issue, no emotions involved, we would be all be slim and beautiful”. What I have learned to do is to retrain myself not to turn to food when I was upset and needing comfort. Still have bad days where I can inhale a packet of 2 minute noodles and a small brie all by myself, but this is not my automatic response anymore, which is a major shift in the way I approach things.
Week 11
A good, high energy week, but a bit weird too, because we are nearly finished. I am looking forward to getting some of my “life” back, but the life I had before is not what I want now. I want to keep healthy, want to keep exercising (not 2-3 hours a day though. Would like some time for friends and family) and I want to keep losing weight. I have come such long way and changed so much that the person I was back at the start of February is unrecognizable to me in so many ways. But not so much so that I don’t know how I got there in the first place. I get the feeling that for a few weeks after I finish it is going to feel so strange, not having the drive of the competition behind me, but to be honest, winning is not what is important to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m competitive, but I have already won so much, I don’t need a “prize” to be my main reason for doing this. To put it in some perspective, I am the lightest I have been in over 5 years and am feeling fitter than I have in ages. I have met some of the most amazing, inspirational women and literally put blood, sweat and tears into the last 3 months. I don’t think I want to reminisce about the vomit side of things. Let’s just say there were enough times in group training with Sophie yelling “if it is just spit coming up, wipe your mouth and get back in here” as one or other of us beat a hasty retreat to the locker room that … I said I wasn’t going into this. Let’s just say I am more matter of fact about some things now.
Week 12
So, this is the last week and I have been in the FOULEST mood for most of it. I should be on top of the world, happy with what achieved and feeling fit but for some reason a large part of me (and let’s face it, there is a lot of me so the large part is LARGE) has the old grumpy pants pulled up so high that they are up under my armpits. Part of this is PMS (I turn into a horrible, cranky, poison spitting person when I’m not crying and wanting to swim around in a bath of chocolate – the only time when I want to eat it). I think part of it is knowing that the Challenge is over. I know this sounds nuts, but in the last 12 weeks I have made some great friends and taken part in something that I know will help me continue on the long journey I have ahead of me and I really don’t want that to be over. Who would have thought that I would MISS personal training sessions where I would pray I would throw up, just so I can get a breather?
What lies ahead of me? Well, a lot of hard work. This is nowhere finished for me but one thing I know, I will cope so much better for doing this Challenge because I have proven to myself that I CAN do it. I also know I will have bad days or weeks, but I know I can pick myself up from whatever heap I fall over in (emotional, diet, confidence, flying backwards off the treadmill because I wasn’t paying attention) and just keep on going. I am now so much closer to my goal weight and am at a fitness level I thought I would never be again. I know this sounds nuts, but knowing I only now have to think “I’ve only got 30kg to lose”, rather than when I was at the start of this and saying “I’ve got 50kg to lose” is actually an incredibly powerful statement for me. If someone had said to me back in January that this is where I would be at the end of April, I never would have believed them, mainly because I had such little faith in myself. One thing I will take away from this Challenge is knowing that when I put my mind to it, I can exercise, I can lose weight and I can feel better about myself. And if I REALLY put my mind to it, I can walk past the fish and chip shop without going in and buying $10 worth of potato cakes J
Stats
Starting weight 133.3kg
Finishing weight 114.7kg
Total cms at start 585cm
Total cms at end 505.5
A few words of thanks
While I know this was done a great deal by me, the big difference has been the support I’ve had. I need to write down what they have done, because I may just forget to thank them all:
My husband, Tim, who has been incredible. There are not enough words to describe what a difference he has made to my life.
My mum and dad, who have always seen my full potential and believed I could achieve it, even when I didn’t.
My sister, Kate, who has dragged herself out for a walk or run when it was the last thing she felt like doing because she wanted to make sure I went. Not because she didn’t believe in me, but because she did.
My best friend, Sue, who came and sweated it out beside me in the gym night after night and providing endless encouragement at 11pm when she got a wailing phone call from me, carrying on about how hard everything is.
All of my Biggest Loser teammates. At some stage, each and every one gave me the encouragement I needed. Special mention needs to go to Leith, Tabitha, Leanne, Nicole and Kim. These are incredible women who are an inspiration to me.
Lynn, Sophie, Jenna, Oli, Helen, Amanda, Kellie, Julie and Rose at Fernwood Gungahlin. These are the people whose classes, training sessions and slim appointments I turned up to week after week. They also made sure that the challenge ran smoothly. They provided encouragement, honesty, support and showed that they had ultimate faith in me. Also, all of the girls who work on the reception desk at the club. They knew every competitor by name and always made sure they had everything we needed, especially when it came to writing down our all important points! A special mention also needs to go to Sid and Nat as well – Sid literally stopped me from quitting in week 3 and Nat proved to me that Bodycombat could be fun to the uncoordinated.
Showing posts with label diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diary. Show all posts
Thursday, August 2, 2007
diary pt 4
Diary pt 3
Week 6
Wow, halfway! In a few ways it feels like I have been doing this forever and in others it feels like I only started 2 days ago. The exercise is still really hard, but I know I am doing it for longer periods and my recovery is much quicker. They no longer look at me anxiously and start to make noises about getting extra oxygen when I come out of RPM or Pump. The biggest thing I notice in myself is that I am enjoying going to the gym and working out (sick, I know). I get a real sense of satisfaction when I can push myself just that little bit further – even an extra 5 minutes of running or cycling feels like an incredible achievement. Lynn has really helped me this week. Her mix of not taking any of my crap when I whinge in a training session with a sympathetic shoulder is what has made a huge psychological difference. She pointed out to me that the mind often gives out before the body, especially someone like me who has got into the habit of thinking that I can’t do things. Instead of “can” and “can’t” she is getting me to focus on “will” and “won’t”. Then whatever I do is MY choice – I “won’t” run 3km non stop sounds a lot worse than “can’t”. Can’t almost sounds like you may have a legitimate reason not to do something. Won’t means just that – you are choosing not to. I have chosen not to do things relating to diet and exercise for the last 12 years. Now I choose to change. I “will” have to remind myself of this as the lactic acid builds up so much in my legs that they feel like someone is rubbing them down with brillo pads and I am so out of breath that I start making the noise that sounds a lot like “huaergh” when I breathe in. And cry when I exhale. And I won’t even get started on the uncontrollable spitty dribble thing that starts happening. On a more positive note, my halfway stats are : 11.9kg lost, 15cm down in body measurements.
Week 7
It’s funny, but in the last few weeks, something has switched over in my head and I can just focus on what I need to do. I also have to admit I never would have been able to do this without my incredible support crew – my husband, Tim, who has encouraged me every step of the way, my family, who have been cheering loudly and waving pom poms when I needed it and my friends have been incredible. Also, the girls at the gym are just amazing. My trainer, Lynn, just knows how to push me just that little bit further each session, and every staff member seems to know all of the challenge participants by name. The second set of teams has just started and they are throwing themselves into the challenge too.
We had the training session from hell this week – Sophie and Olivia pushed us for over an hour and I think most of us either felt like crying, puking or both. I reached the stage where I was looking at the doors out on to the balcony outside the training room where I thought I could throw up in relative privacy. Fortunately I remembered at the last minute that this may not be such a good idea as an alfresco restaurant had just opened up downstairs and I had the feeling that even if they couldn’t see me, the sound effects alone would probably put most people off their dinners. I reverted to plan B, which was crying as I tried to do the beep test. I believe this test was invented by some kind of masochistic evil person (otherwise known as a personal trainer) to make you get all twitchy whenever you are waiting to use a pedestrian crossing and then gallop at high speed across the road when the little green man appears. This is taking incidental exercise just that one step too far.
Week 8
We are rapidly coming up on Easter and a lot of people are getting very obsessed with the upcoming orgy of chocolate consumption. To be honest, chocolate will not be such a problem for me as avoiding emptying a tub of butter onto hot cross buns just out of the oven. YUM!!!!! In our group slim talk, Amanda talked about chocolate for 15 straight minutes, until someone pointed out that this was starting to feel like a torture session. We all cracked up and talked about salad for at least 2 minutes before we got back on to the chocolate quandary. Butter was not so much addressed as forbidden (bugger) and we were limited to 1 hot cross bun per day. She has got to be kidding me. There is only so much a person can give up. I thought this was the biggest loser challenge, not the cry over a bag of forbidden hot cross buns challenge. I better check the fine print.
On the exercise front, I am trying something new at the gym – bellydancing. It is run here once a week as a class and it is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are all in tracksuit pants and t shirts and giving it a good old wiggle. What is wonderful is to have an instructor finally say “you are meant to wobble here”. After so many classes where nothing is allowed to wiggle (and let’s face it, when you are as overweight as I am, not much bloody doesn’t), this is a lot of fun. Also, much harder work than I thought. You have to isolate lower body and upper body movements from each other and use your core to control movements, so by the end your obliques have really had a workout. It also feels sexy, no matter how big you are. I have also started running again, which is great. In my late teens and early 20s I did a lot of running and I loved i
t. I ran the City to Surf twice and I would love to do it again. My first short term thing to do is to run the Mother’s Day Classic, which is a 4km run to raise money for breast cancer research. My mum is a breast cancer survivor (diagnosed in 2005) and an incredible inspiration to me. If she can go through surgery, chemo and radiotherapy, I can run 4km.
Wow, halfway! In a few ways it feels like I have been doing this forever and in others it feels like I only started 2 days ago. The exercise is still really hard, but I know I am doing it for longer periods and my recovery is much quicker. They no longer look at me anxiously and start to make noises about getting extra oxygen when I come out of RPM or Pump. The biggest thing I notice in myself is that I am enjoying going to the gym and working out (sick, I know). I get a real sense of satisfaction when I can push myself just that little bit further – even an extra 5 minutes of running or cycling feels like an incredible achievement. Lynn has really helped me this week. Her mix of not taking any of my crap when I whinge in a training session with a sympathetic shoulder is what has made a huge psychological difference. She pointed out to me that the mind often gives out before the body, especially someone like me who has got into the habit of thinking that I can’t do things. Instead of “can” and “can’t” she is getting me to focus on “will” and “won’t”. Then whatever I do is MY choice – I “won’t” run 3km non stop sounds a lot worse than “can’t”. Can’t almost sounds like you may have a legitimate reason not to do something. Won’t means just that – you are choosing not to. I have chosen not to do things relating to diet and exercise for the last 12 years. Now I choose to change. I “will” have to remind myself of this as the lactic acid builds up so much in my legs that they feel like someone is rubbing them down with brillo pads and I am so out of breath that I start making the noise that sounds a lot like “huaergh” when I breathe in. And cry when I exhale. And I won’t even get started on the uncontrollable spitty dribble thing that starts happening. On a more positive note, my halfway stats are : 11.9kg lost, 15cm down in body measurements.
Week 7
It’s funny, but in the last few weeks, something has switched over in my head and I can just focus on what I need to do. I also have to admit I never would have been able to do this without my incredible support crew – my husband, Tim, who has encouraged me every step of the way, my family, who have been cheering loudly and waving pom poms when I needed it and my friends have been incredible. Also, the girls at the gym are just amazing. My trainer, Lynn, just knows how to push me just that little bit further each session, and every staff member seems to know all of the challenge participants by name. The second set of teams has just started and they are throwing themselves into the challenge too.
We had the training session from hell this week – Sophie and Olivia pushed us for over an hour and I think most of us either felt like crying, puking or both. I reached the stage where I was looking at the doors out on to the balcony outside the training room where I thought I could throw up in relative privacy. Fortunately I remembered at the last minute that this may not be such a good idea as an alfresco restaurant had just opened up downstairs and I had the feeling that even if they couldn’t see me, the sound effects alone would probably put most people off their dinners. I reverted to plan B, which was crying as I tried to do the beep test. I believe this test was invented by some kind of masochistic evil person (otherwise known as a personal trainer) to make you get all twitchy whenever you are waiting to use a pedestrian crossing and then gallop at high speed across the road when the little green man appears. This is taking incidental exercise just that one step too far.
Week 8
We are rapidly coming up on Easter and a lot of people are getting very obsessed with the upcoming orgy of chocolate consumption. To be honest, chocolate will not be such a problem for me as avoiding emptying a tub of butter onto hot cross buns just out of the oven. YUM!!!!! In our group slim talk, Amanda talked about chocolate for 15 straight minutes, until someone pointed out that this was starting to feel like a torture session. We all cracked up and talked about salad for at least 2 minutes before we got back on to the chocolate quandary. Butter was not so much addressed as forbidden (bugger) and we were limited to 1 hot cross bun per day. She has got to be kidding me. There is only so much a person can give up. I thought this was the biggest loser challenge, not the cry over a bag of forbidden hot cross buns challenge. I better check the fine print.
On the exercise front, I am trying something new at the gym – bellydancing. It is run here once a week as a class and it is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are all in tracksuit pants and t shirts and giving it a good old wiggle. What is wonderful is to have an instructor finally say “you are meant to wobble here”. After so many classes where nothing is allowed to wiggle (and let’s face it, when you are as overweight as I am, not much bloody doesn’t), this is a lot of fun. Also, much harder work than I thought. You have to isolate lower body and upper body movements from each other and use your core to control movements, so by the end your obliques have really had a workout. It also feels sexy, no matter how big you are. I have also started running again, which is great. In my late teens and early 20s I did a lot of running and I loved i
t. I ran the City to Surf twice and I would love to do it again. My first short term thing to do is to run the Mother’s Day Classic, which is a 4km run to raise money for breast cancer research. My mum is a breast cancer survivor (diagnosed in 2005) and an incredible inspiration to me. If she can go through surgery, chemo and radiotherapy, I can run 4km.We finished! This is my daughter Grace, my sister Kate, me and my mum at the finsh! The grown ups loook happy because we had all had coffee and a free massage.
diary pt 2
Week 3
Hit the wall big time this week – actually went into the gym and when one of the trainers asked if I was ok, I burst into tears. I think the reality of this whole challenge finally just hit me. This is more than just the 12 weeks of the challenge – it is my whole lifestyle and even when I lose all of the weight, I have to make sure I never end up back where I was when I started on this journey. It kind of does my head in to think that I gave up on myself so much that I was literally eating myself towards type 2 diabetes, heart disease, crappy joints and more than likely a life 15 years shorter than it should be. I know this is the same thing that is in every motivational book I have ever read, but I think each time I was reading one of these, I was either thinking “yeah, but this person was so much fatter than me, so I don’t need to worry” or “this person is so strong and I could never do that”. Now I know I HAVE to do this – lose the weight and to do that I have to get off my big bum. I have to change the way I think about myself. I am worth this. I can do this. I can do better. Of course, this did not come out as coherently as this when I was sitting in the gym crying all over Sid, one of the trainers up there. It sounded a lot more like mix between Swahili and that weird noise a donkey makes when it’s really trying to get its point across. Went through a lot of tissues and ended up looking like ended up looking all blotchy. Sid was great – sympathetic, listened to me carry on, gave some great advice and then marched me into the Bodycombat class her sister Nat was running. Just to cheer me up.
Week 4
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, dear me, happy birthday to me. I have just clicked over 37 years and to celebrate I had PT and did and RPM class. I really know how to enjoy myself! Lynn wished me happy birthday and then kicked my arse from one end of Fernwood to the other. Also had a mortifying moment in step this week – I slipped off the end of the step, which flipped up into the air, came down with an almighty “kerchunk” noise, hit my water bottle, which flew across the room, spraying its contents along the way. To say I was embarrassed is putting it lightly. The instructor made sure no one was hurt and then helped me set my stuff back up. Everyone was really helpful and sympathetic, which was great and made it worse at the same time. I wonder how may calories you burn off when you blush for 20 minutes? I feel happier this week – more in control of things (apart from my step!), especially the diet. Exercise is becoming more routine rather than torture. I was, of course, stupid enough to mention this to Lynn, who took it as a sign that I needed to challenge myself more. This challenge involved SPRINTING on the elliptical trainer for 5 minutes, resting for 1, sprinting, resting etc until I couldn’t run anymore. I assured her this wouldn’t take long, so she put a minimum time of 25 minutes. Am never, ever telling Lynn I am finding something easy or routine. It hurts too much. Lost 0.3kg this week. I have to admit to being a bit disappointed, but it is still a loss. I am close to 7kg better off than I was at the start of this challenge.
Week 5
One great thing that has come out of this challenge is that I am making some great friends amongst the women on my team. Everyone is so supportive and I think a lot of us know just what a big change this is. On my team there is another Emma, who is great and attacks an RPM class like a maniac. Jo, who does so many classes it is amazing (I think she lives at the gym) and is always encouraging other challenge participants in the gym. I am also making friends with the so called “opposition”, the red team (I’m blue). Leith has kids at the same school mine go to and is another person who I think must have a bed at the gym as she is there all the time and I am getting to be good friends with Leanne, who is amazing as she just never gives up, no matter how hard the training is. Some bad news this week – we lost our team trainer Helen as her younger daughter had an accident and she needs to spend more time at home with her. Sophie has put on the superwoman cape and is now kicking all of our butts from one end of the gym to the other on group training nights, with the help from Olivia, who seems to think that a 45 minute abs workout is normal.
This week I managed to really excel myself at group training – we were doing shuttle runs in the group training room and I decided that what was really needed was me getting up close and personal with the floor at high speed. My shoulder made a fairly interesting popping noise and I managed to leave a significant amount of skin on the carpet. I have not had carpet burn like that since I tripped when chasing my sister when I was about 10 and did a full on face plant into the brown shagpile that was in our home at the time. I would like to say that the worst injury was to my pride, but to be honest I really hurt myself and Leanne was kind enough to drive me home, as my knee and shoulder came out in some very impressive bruising by the end of the class (I watched whilst applying ice packs to various joints). The rest of the team felt that no matter how much I wanted to lose weight, scraping a few 100gms of skin off on the carpet was not the easiest way to do it. Ha ha.
Hit the wall big time this week – actually went into the gym and when one of the trainers asked if I was ok, I burst into tears. I think the reality of this whole challenge finally just hit me. This is more than just the 12 weeks of the challenge – it is my whole lifestyle and even when I lose all of the weight, I have to make sure I never end up back where I was when I started on this journey. It kind of does my head in to think that I gave up on myself so much that I was literally eating myself towards type 2 diabetes, heart disease, crappy joints and more than likely a life 15 years shorter than it should be. I know this is the same thing that is in every motivational book I have ever read, but I think each time I was reading one of these, I was either thinking “yeah, but this person was so much fatter than me, so I don’t need to worry” or “this person is so strong and I could never do that”. Now I know I HAVE to do this – lose the weight and to do that I have to get off my big bum. I have to change the way I think about myself. I am worth this. I can do this. I can do better. Of course, this did not come out as coherently as this when I was sitting in the gym crying all over Sid, one of the trainers up there. It sounded a lot more like mix between Swahili and that weird noise a donkey makes when it’s really trying to get its point across. Went through a lot of tissues and ended up looking like ended up looking all blotchy. Sid was great – sympathetic, listened to me carry on, gave some great advice and then marched me into the Bodycombat class her sister Nat was running. Just to cheer me up.
Week 4
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, dear me, happy birthday to me. I have just clicked over 37 years and to celebrate I had PT and did and RPM class. I really know how to enjoy myself! Lynn wished me happy birthday and then kicked my arse from one end of Fernwood to the other. Also had a mortifying moment in step this week – I slipped off the end of the step, which flipped up into the air, came down with an almighty “kerchunk” noise, hit my water bottle, which flew across the room, spraying its contents along the way. To say I was embarrassed is putting it lightly. The instructor made sure no one was hurt and then helped me set my stuff back up. Everyone was really helpful and sympathetic, which was great and made it worse at the same time. I wonder how may calories you burn off when you blush for 20 minutes? I feel happier this week – more in control of things (apart from my step!), especially the diet. Exercise is becoming more routine rather than torture. I was, of course, stupid enough to mention this to Lynn, who took it as a sign that I needed to challenge myself more. This challenge involved SPRINTING on the elliptical trainer for 5 minutes, resting for 1, sprinting, resting etc until I couldn’t run anymore. I assured her this wouldn’t take long, so she put a minimum time of 25 minutes. Am never, ever telling Lynn I am finding something easy or routine. It hurts too much. Lost 0.3kg this week. I have to admit to being a bit disappointed, but it is still a loss. I am close to 7kg better off than I was at the start of this challenge.
Week 5
One great thing that has come out of this challenge is that I am making some great friends amongst the women on my team. Everyone is so supportive and I think a lot of us know just what a big change this is. On my team there is another Emma, who is great and attacks an RPM class like a maniac. Jo, who does so many classes it is amazing (I think she lives at the gym) and is always encouraging other challenge participants in the gym. I am also making friends with the so called “opposition”, the red team (I’m blue). Leith has kids at the same school mine go to and is another person who I think must have a bed at the gym as she is there all the time and I am getting to be good friends with Leanne, who is amazing as she just never gives up, no matter how hard the training is. Some bad news this week – we lost our team trainer Helen as her younger daughter had an accident and she needs to spend more time at home with her. Sophie has put on the superwoman cape and is now kicking all of our butts from one end of the gym to the other on group training nights, with the help from Olivia, who seems to think that a 45 minute abs workout is normal.
This week I managed to really excel myself at group training – we were doing shuttle runs in the group training room and I decided that what was really needed was me getting up close and personal with the floor at high speed. My shoulder made a fairly interesting popping noise and I managed to leave a significant amount of skin on the carpet. I have not had carpet burn like that since I tripped when chasing my sister when I was about 10 and did a full on face plant into the brown shagpile that was in our home at the time. I would like to say that the worst injury was to my pride, but to be honest I really hurt myself and Leanne was kind enough to drive me home, as my knee and shoulder came out in some very impressive bruising by the end of the class (I watched whilst applying ice packs to various joints). The rest of the team felt that no matter how much I wanted to lose weight, scraping a few 100gms of skin off on the carpet was not the easiest way to do it. Ha ha.
Biggest loser challenge diary Pt 1
Ok, here is the diary some of you have been asking for in it's unedited glory. I will put this up in several posts, as otherwise it will be too long and some of you might start wishing I would just SHUT THE HELL UP (those who don't feel that way already, that is). Background for those not in the know : I did the Biggest Loser challenge at my local gym, Fernwood, from start of February to end of April this year. During this time I kept a journal and some extracts were published in a magazine this month. They were heavily edited, so here are the entries in all their glory. Also, below is a "before" photo, which was one of the one's that horrified me enough to think about losing some weight.
February 2, 2007
Orientation session
So, here I am at the start of this challenge. Part of me thinks I must be nuts – I’ve failed every other diet/fitness regime I’ve started in the last 10 years (god, looking at that number is so depressing), so why would this one be any different? Another part is excited – maybe this is the thing that will get me started on the road I need to take? But, overwhelmingly, what I feel is fear. Fear I’ll fail, fear I’ll succeed (weird, weird, weird), fear I’ll only partly get there and then every negative feeling, bad habit etc will just come crashing in on me and I’ll just give up and walk away. I should know – I’ve done it heaps of time before. Why I it so easy to give up on yourself when you would never let your husband, best friend or family member do it? Why do I get the feeling that the changes in this are not only going to be physical? Ok, way too many questions. On with what the challenge is all about.
We have been divided into 2 teams (red and blue) and there are about 10 of us are in each and we are a pretty mixed bunch of women. Some I have seen around the gym before and others I have never seen. We were introduced to the trainers who would be seeing us through (Sophie and Helen) as well as the slim coaches (Odette and Amanda). Julie is our team co-ordinator and I get the feeling that they are all going to be working really hard over the next 12 weeks (almost as hard as those of us doing the challenge!). Officially we start on Sunday (when the Biggest Loser starts screening on TV) so – game on! We had our weigh in for our starting stats and think I want to die – I have managed to let it creep up to 133.3kg. Crap! I think that makes me one of the heaviest people on this challenge, maybe in this gym. There are no words that can describe how bad this feels.
I am aiming to try and do at least 1 class per day, maybe 2. I will have to see how I go - that would be increasing my exercise that I currently do by about70% I will also have my first PT and slim session this week. My personal trainer is Lynn and I know her from RPM, so it will be interesting to train with her 1 on 1.
Week 1
OK, I take it back. This is the hardest thing I have ever physically done – right now I am so bloody tired I can’t even think about how hard it is mentally. I think if I make it through work this week without putting my underpants on the outside of my trousers it will be a miracle. Lynn pushed me so hard at PT I ended up making cough cough retchy noises (which REALLY alarmed the girl training on the treadmill next to me). I also did RPM three days in a row and yesterday when I got out of the class and I realized that I was actually wobbling (I mean, from muscle fatigue. The fat bits like my bum and legs always wobble) around like my legs had been deboned. I also tried bodypump for the first time and as a result walked like a duck for 2 days afterwards. Quack quack.
The slimplicity program is so much easier than I thought – we get a diary which we have to write down everything we eat and when we eat it. We also get a really strict meal plan, which at first I thought I would hate but it has made eating so much easier. It has also been fantastic – I lost 3kg in my first week. Yay! I do have to admit to being a bit hungry at nighttime and it is hard to keep walking past the pantry and fridge, but that is just old bad habits pulling me back in. That or I have little elves living in my kitchen actually chanting “eat more cheese, eat more cheese”!
Week 2
This week I am kind of ok and kind of not. I am still as tired as last week (actually fell asleep at my desk and made one of those weird snork noises you do when your head falls back. My staff laughed for 10 minutes) but have made it through 5 RPM classes so far, a team training session with Helen where I thought at least 3 of us were going to expire, PT with Lynn and a slim session. I have no idea how I am doing the rest of my life – my incredible husband is holding it all together at home, taking care of the kids every night while I sweat my butt off at the gym. My biggest problem is still my very sad cheese addiction. I actually found myself with my nose pressed up against the glass cabinet in a local deli, slowly drowning in my own saliva as I sighed over all of the brie and Camembert that was so close, soooooooo close… the best way I have found to deal with this is to work out how long it would take me work off a piece of cheese in the gym. I can easily eat an entire 125gm cheese all by myself, which adds up to (brace yourself) 1616kg (404 calories). This means I have to RUN (you have got to be bloody kidding me) for at least 45minutes just to ensure my thighs do not get extra dimples in them (they already have more than a crateful of oranges). This works most of the time. Notice the emphasis on most – there are times when want to lick a block of cheese all over just so I can get the taste without eating it all. I just read that sentence – possibly one of the weirdest things ever written. Am fairly sure normal people do not think about doing that. At least, they don’t ADMIT it. Surely there is someone out there who… now that I think about it, perhaps I shouldn’t explore this. You never know WHAT people think about licking – could end up making cheese look pretty tame. Right, I need to focus on something else. More good news on the weight loss front this week - 3.5 kg. Yay me!!!! My clothes are starting to feel a bit looser but they should – Helen had me do so many sit ups I couldn’t actually stand upright for 2 days.
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