diary pt 4

Week 9
Tim and I have just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary. My present from him was 5 extra personal training sessions when finish the program (I only have an opal membership, so I pay for personal training sessions). Some people may not think this is the most romantic present, but it sums up how much he believes in me. Last year it would have been jewelry or a bottle of wine (both of which are fantastic) but this year he showed me that he knows I will keep going once the challenge is finished. This is just the start for me – I have to keep going at the end of the 12 weeks so I will achieve everything I set out to do. This week is more of the same – hard work and watching my food intake. I have to admit to feeling fairly down. I think this is partly PMS and also knowing that soon the challenge will be over. The last 9 weeks have been amazing on so many levels. I always knew I could be a stubborn bugger when I put my mind to something, but I always doubted I had the determination to do something so positive for myself. Does this sound crazy? Maybe this has been one of the things that stopped me every other time – I thought about it too much instead of just getting on with doing what I needed to.

Week 10
I can’t believe how far I have come in what is really a short space of time. 10 weeks ago if a trainer in the gym had said to me “Emma, today you are going to come in at lunchtime and to 40 minutes of cardio, come back at 6pm to do RPM and then follow it up at 7 with some weights and boxing circuit” I would have either laughed in their face or told them to, ahem, go away. Firmly. Using some not too pleasant words. This is now a fairly normal day for me. On my quieter days, I do a class and some abs and weights work as well. As I have a lot of weight to lose, my focus has been cardio, cardio and more cardio, with weights 2-3 times a week to build up muscle. Now, I am not saying I leap around the gym, beaming with joy and enjoying every moment. There are downright grumpy, painful, horrible days where I approach the treadmill or bike with all of the enthusiasm of the average 6 year old who has been told to clean up their room. Internal monologue goes something like “bloody treadmill, mutter, mutter, I want a glass of wine, mutter, mutter, this SUCKS!!” etc etc. Eventually though, this monologue dies down and I begin to get in the groove. Usually. There have been a few workouts where the grumpy pants didn’t really vanish until I got home and found that my wonderful husband had wrestled all kids into bed, cleaned up their mess and then cooked me dinner. Don’t be rude about pants vanishing when I see my husband – I am using metaphors.
One thing about this program which has really changed me is slimplicity. I have to admit to being skeptical (why not? Every diet I had gone on in the last 13 years had not worked) that it could make a difference this time, but that was when it clicked for me - it wasn’t so much the diet not working as ME not working. Slimplicity teaches you how to eat properly, break bad habits and start to view food as what it is – food. And to lose weight it is calories in vs calories out. Duh! Sounds really simple when you write it down like that but it’s a hard concept to get your head around sometimes. My slim coach, Odette, said something wonderful to me one day when I was having a complain about emotional eating and how it stuffs everything up. She just looked at me, waited for my “it’s not fair” tirade to finish and said “Honey, if being overweight was only a physical issue, no emotions involved, we would be all be slim and beautiful”. What I have learned to do is to retrain myself not to turn to food when I was upset and needing comfort. Still have bad days where I can inhale a packet of 2 minute noodles and a small brie all by myself, but this is not my automatic response anymore, which is a major shift in the way I approach things.

Week 11
A good, high energy week, but a bit weird too, because we are nearly finished. I am looking forward to getting some of my “life” back, but the life I had before is not what I want now. I want to keep healthy, want to keep exercising (not 2-3 hours a day though. Would like some time for friends and family) and I want to keep losing weight. I have come such long way and changed so much that the person I was back at the start of February is unrecognizable to me in so many ways. But not so much so that I don’t know how I got there in the first place. I get the feeling that for a few weeks after I finish it is going to feel so strange, not having the drive of the competition behind me, but to be honest, winning is not what is important to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m competitive, but I have already won so much, I don’t need a “prize” to be my main reason for doing this. To put it in some perspective, I am the lightest I have been in over 5 years and am feeling fitter than I have in ages. I have met some of the most amazing, inspirational women and literally put blood, sweat and tears into the last 3 months. I don’t think I want to reminisce about the vomit side of things. Let’s just say there were enough times in group training with Sophie yelling “if it is just spit coming up, wipe your mouth and get back in here” as one or other of us beat a hasty retreat to the locker room that … I said I wasn’t going into this. Let’s just say I am more matter of fact about some things now.


Week 12
So, this is the last week and I have been in the FOULEST mood for most of it. I should be on top of the world, happy with what achieved and feeling fit but for some reason a large part of me (and let’s face it, there is a lot of me so the large part is LARGE) has the old grumpy pants pulled up so high that they are up under my armpits. Part of this is PMS (I turn into a horrible, cranky, poison spitting person when I’m not crying and wanting to swim around in a bath of chocolate – the only time when I want to eat it). I think part of it is knowing that the Challenge is over. I know this sounds nuts, but in the last 12 weeks I have made some great friends and taken part in something that I know will help me continue on the long journey I have ahead of me and I really don’t want that to be over. Who would have thought that I would MISS personal training sessions where I would pray I would throw up, just so I can get a breather?

What lies ahead of me? Well, a lot of hard work. This is nowhere finished for me but one thing I know, I will cope so much better for doing this Challenge because I have proven to myself that I CAN do it. I also know I will have bad days or weeks, but I know I can pick myself up from whatever heap I fall over in (emotional, diet, confidence, flying backwards off the treadmill because I wasn’t paying attention) and just keep on going. I am now so much closer to my goal weight and am at a fitness level I thought I would never be again. I know this sounds nuts, but knowing I only now have to think “I’ve only got 30kg to lose”, rather than when I was at the start of this and saying “I’ve got 50kg to lose” is actually an incredibly powerful statement for me. If someone had said to me back in January that this is where I would be at the end of April, I never would have believed them, mainly because I had such little faith in myself. One thing I will take away from this Challenge is knowing that when I put my mind to it, I can exercise, I can lose weight and I can feel better about myself. And if I REALLY put my mind to it, I can walk past the fish and chip shop without going in and buying $10 worth of potato cakes J

Stats
Starting weight 133.3kg
Finishing weight 114.7kg
Total cms at start 585cm
Total cms at end 505.5

A few words of thanks
While I know this was done a great deal by me, the big difference has been the support I’ve had. I need to write down what they have done, because I may just forget to thank them all:
My husband, Tim, who has been incredible. There are not enough words to describe what a difference he has made to my life.
My mum and dad, who have always seen my full potential and believed I could achieve it, even when I didn’t.
My sister, Kate, who has dragged herself out for a walk or run when it was the last thing she felt like doing because she wanted to make sure I went. Not because she didn’t believe in me, but because she did.
My best friend, Sue, who came and sweated it out beside me in the gym night after night and providing endless encouragement at 11pm when she got a wailing phone call from me, carrying on about how hard everything is.
All of my Biggest Loser teammates. At some stage, each and every one gave me the encouragement I needed. Special mention needs to go to Leith, Tabitha, Leanne, Nicole and Kim. These are incredible women who are an inspiration to me.
Lynn, Sophie, Jenna, Oli, Helen, Amanda, Kellie, Julie and Rose at Fernwood Gungahlin. These are the people whose classes, training sessions and slim appointments I turned up to week after week. They also made sure that the challenge ran smoothly. They provided encouragement, honesty, support and showed that they had ultimate faith in me. Also, all of the girls who work on the reception desk at the club. They knew every competitor by name and always made sure they had everything we needed, especially when it came to writing down our all important points! A special mention also needs to go to Sid and Nat as well – Sid literally stopped me from quitting in week 3 and Nat proved to me that Bodycombat could be fun to the uncoordinated.