Back after a few years off

So, after a few years off on some weird kind of fat generating sabbatical, I've decided to return to the crazy tree. I find it a comfort really. I have been blogging somewhere else (I know, I am a blog harlot) but that has finished now and also the tree is so much more comforting. Lots more branches to swing from. Stay tuned - I plan to blog at least once or twice a week
Em

Another challenge

I bet you all thought I'd died or been mistaken for an illegal immigrant and been locked up, didn't you? Nope, just slack and doing nanna type things like going to bed early or had a gutful of computers (I work on them all day) and wanted to do weird, deviant stuff like read a book or (and this will shock some of you who are addicted to myspace or facebook) TALK to my family and friends. You know - face to face. Freaky.

I have also been nursing wounded pride (and toes) after running at high speed into one of our lounge chairs at William's birthday party in January. Did you know that modern lounges have surprisingly solid bases and as you approach 40, your turning ability and reflexes are not what they could be? Came as a shock to me too. So, now that my toes are no longer black and purple (one or two have healed in interesting positions) I am back to running and working a sweat up at the gym. I am also slowly taking off the weight I put on when I hurt my back, so I can now look down and actually see my toes, which is very exciting. I am also working hard on a plan which involves me only having to do 10 hours work a week and still get a good salary, but to be honest, most of those jobs involve painted on latex, spanking and high heels. To be honest, I have enough trouble with sweat pimples in unfortunate areas (be sure you want to know before you ask where) and latex is just not going to help. And my toes are still too sore for super high heels.

So, as I have obviously been off my meds (not really, still on the happy pills), I have signed up for yet another "challenge" at my gym, which starts in a week or so. I have been put into the "echidna" team, which I think means by the end of my first hard training session I will be a grumpy, prickly, odd looking freak who will curl up into a ball at the first sign of my personal trainer. No different to normal, really. It looks a lot like the one I did 2 years ago (you can read it at the start of this blog) but I reckon this time I will post a list of "things you really need to know before you sign up for something like this". Do you think "Run screaming from the building" would put people off?

Heatstoke and other fun stuff

Now that the new year has come and gone, I have joined the many others at the gym and out pounding the pavements, atoning for the multitude of festive season "sins". Still, really, in my book, I would not see champagne and mince pie consumption so much as a sin as essential survival supplies for getting through the enforced cheerfulness that is Christmas. You all know what I mean - the awful feeling you get when you either feel ambivalent or even a bit depressed (for any reason) and everywhere you go you are faced with messages about how FABULOUS Christmas is and how YOU WILL ENJOY YOURSELF. When faced with the Crisco hamper woman on TV, all I want to do is ring up and ask if they do a latex hamper with extra tinsel and paint on body chocolate.

Anyway, back to post silly season exercise. I am back on the wagon again and so far this week have slogged out for lunchtime walks and some fun at the gym (my PT calls it fun, I call it cruel and unusual). Yesterday I discovered that going for a 4-5km walk in 35 degree heat is not always a great idea. Resulted in my needing a lot of water, a jolly good lie down and some panadol. Always a good way to spend an evening. Also good for weight loss - when nauseated from a touch of the sun, you don't feel like eating much. Still, I think tomorrow I'll do my walk in air conditioned comfort. This must be why gyms, fans and the person who brings around nice, chilled towels were invented. Yay.

Lawks a lordie, it's nearly the end of 2008!!

Well, stuff me, that came around farking quick. I can only think of 5 occurrences where blackout from alcohol consumption can account for lost time, so either I have been abducted by aliens or I well and truly lost track of things. Will stick with the aliens theory for now, as it provides some comfort and excuse for not being at all geared up to usher in 2009. It may also mean that I will get a visit from David Duchovny, who I have had a crush on since I saw in in Twin Peaks all those years ago... sigh.

This has been an interesting year, has it not? I'm not sure about those of you out in blog space, but 2008 has had its share of ups and downs for this crazy tree dweller and I find myself sitting on a slightly lower branch than intended when I started out this year, but I haven't completely fallen out out and landed on the ground with a thump, so life is not completely sucky. On the down side (get the shitty stuff over and done with eh?) : have spent a year with my depression seeming to enjoy the odd sojourn back into my life to smack me around the head a bit, steal my handbag and drink my champagne, which tends to leave me feeling a bit down, roughed up and raw around the edges (what girl wouldn't be without her champagne?). I also managed to have a small slip at work, which resulted in two bulging discs in my lumbar spine. To anyone out there who has done a similar thing, you have my complete sympathy. For a slip that did not even result in a fall on my bott bott, I ended up spending June to November in varying amounts of pain and not being able to do much at all for a few months. This put a serious dent in my exercise regime (and sense of humour) and as a result, nearly all of the weight I had lost has crept back on, with the exception of 5 kg. This is a blow, but shit happens and no point in dwelling on it. Does that sound as though I've convinced myself? Hmm, more positive thinking required.

On the plus side, the kids are going great guns at school and childcare, Tim has just finished his 4th year of teaching, we have attended 2 lovely weddings and as I said earlier, I made up for being down in the dumps by having a few great parties and self medicating with champagne cocktails. I know, all of the health freaks out there just had a sharp intake of breath, tut-tutted me and will be sending me links for AA, but if you could save your time and just stuff your well meaning advice, it will save a whole heap of time and grief. Also, a friend of mine is about to have his first book published (GO GARTH!!!!!!!) and I encourage you all to buy it. Will do a separate blog about it later. The other plus is that I made it back to the gym in the last 2 weeks and today was able to complete 60 minutes of "run 1 minute, walk for 3" on the treadmill. It is back to basics, having to retrain my body in all forms of exercise. Also, having the vision of my exercise physiologist standing next to me saying "switch your core ON! BRACE YOUR CORE!!!!!!" means that no matter what I am doing, my core muscles are working their, um, butt off all of the time. This is very tiring - try it sometime.

So, on with 2009 (hee hee - originally left a zero out there). Hope you all have a great evening tomorrow ushering out the old year. I plan to go to bed early and catch up on sleep. Does this mean I have become and old fart and should I list this in the positives or negatives for 2008? Hmm, where's Mulder?

How to burn those extra calories...

Those of you who are regular readers (thankyou!) are well aware that over the years I have struggled with my weight, gone on and off various diets, exercise regimes etc. You also know that I am recovering from a recent back injury, which put a serious dent in my aim to lose weight and run 10km by Christmas. Now, the weight loss is back on track but the 10km run is unlikely to happen, unless there is the promise of something like a free massage once a week for a year, or the kids set fire to the Christmas tree again. Yes, I KNOW it was an accident, guys, but the memory is still pretty fresh. One I will run towards, the other away as quick as my chubby, pink little legs will carry me.

After getting the all clear from the Dr to resume most activities pre back injury (except running, which is off limits until at least early January), I have been out and about walking at lunchtime, bike riding etc. The walks up Mt Ainslie are at a fairly stately pace at the moment, with me not talking much at all on the ascent (hallelujah! It's a miracle!!!) as I am concentrating pretty hard on not having a coronary, but I know it will get easier. Maybe. One day. I am also riding a fair bit on the old stationary bike. First lesson I learned was that I had lost my "bike seat conditioning" or as I like to call them "buttocks callouses". 1st ride was fine until I got off, when I realised that it felt a lot like how someone (say, Julie Bishop's speech writer) who has been booted up the backside for 45 minutes. More imitations of walking like a duck and involuntary noises when lowering oneself onto the toilet.

I have found a great website though, which answers the questions that EVERYONE asks themselves but you never find in the exercise books. It is how many calories you burn during sex - one of my personal favourites is the use of fudge. Oh yeah, and the trapeze one. Get motivated and, um, enjoy!

A great holiday and shy sausage

Tim and I got a chance (thanks to my wonderful parents - mum and dad, you rock!) last weekend to escape with no kids to a lovely area of Australia called Hyams Beach. It was fantastic - a cottage all to ourselves with a great view of the beach, sleeping in both mornings (woo hoo) and just having some of that rare stuff called "time together". The simple joy of having a coffee together where we knew that Cameron would not get Will in a headlock and in the ensuing struggle, knock the table over and send sugar sachets flying out over the cafe patrons like a cluster bomb was quite relaxing. Also, wandering through shops where a number of twee, incredibly breakable and expensive items were arranged at toddle height without the blood pressure steadily rising was also a novel experience.

Other highlights included :

• A mother humpback whale and her calf coming right into the bay. We sat on the beach and watched them for hours - it was just amazing. An added bonus was that the money I was going to spend on a whale watching tour I was able to blow on a pair of cowboy boots. So cool!
• The local high school had a food fair and fete. So loud, great food and the reassurance that all teenagers are just raging bags of hormones, ready to swarm.
• A pizza that had us laughing for most of the weekend. When we picked up our order, the slip came with it. Apparently, we had ordered an aussie pizza with extra "peeperoni". Quite a few conversations ensued about what peeperoni would look like, how it would act and does that count as a special topping. We came to the conclusion it is sausage with a confidence problem. Tasted good though.

Back to school

My daughter is currently very caught up in watching a TV series called "Winx club". From what I can gather, these girls (who look a lot like the Bratz dolls, who are referred to "slutz" dolls by Tim and I) attend some kind of special high school for fairies (which may be more mainstream these days, who knows) where they worry about being able to cast spells, dress fashionably and impress the dumb, token "jock" fairy (who is also a prince, so I am guessing that although he has the IQ of a sequined handbag, the girls think he is quite a catch). Yes, I know it is sad that I have say through a few episodes and absorbed this much, but it means a lot to Grace, so I have decided to turn my thoughts from "someone kill me now" to drawing parallels between what the Winx high school is like and my own days back in the dark ages of puberty.

Now, when I was at Ginninderra High, not too many real princes or princesses were around, but there were plenty who thought they were, or at least thought that the sun shone out of their arse, so that will do for covering the fairy side of things. I have also noticed that, just like high school, there are "good" fairies and "bad" fairies. Just like high school, the bad fairies dress like hookers, wear way too much eye makeup and generally make the "good" fairies life hard - stealing powers, crushing them with magic constriction spells etc. When you think about it, the girls who were the "princesses" at school were also the ones who made life hell for all of the "ordinary" girls by teasing them about their breast size (too big, too small blah blah blah), wore lots of eye makeup, thought that kissing boys was the ultimate to spend high school and wore the most fashionable style dress to the formal (aka prom). The good fairies just struggled on through, trying to cope with the burden of learning and raging hormones (and the bad fairies) and in the end, could not give a rats bum if they wore a dress or jeans to the formal, they were just happy to escape.

So, is this TV show just encouraging the age old stereotypes, which we will never escape, or is it preparing our young girls for the fact that in life, you will have to deal with good and evil fairies? Both concepts are pretty perplexing really and I have no idea. Still, I can comfort myself that at least in my day, the pressure was not on to sprout a pair of wings, turn my head into a talking pumpkin or defeat the powers of evil whilst maintaining good fashion sense and still attracting the prince - or maybe I just wasn't paying attention.I would like to class myself as a "middle of the road" fairy - capacity to do good or evil in more or less equal measures. And I don't talk with a really irritating American accent. That has to put me over with the good guys.